Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
