Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
farters have to be the big spoon...
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
