It's a beautiful day for a hangover
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
