this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
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