I'm pants shitting drunk right now
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
