god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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