I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
