do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
