Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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