eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
