i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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