I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
