Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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