you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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