Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
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