if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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