made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
