Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
