did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
