i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize