woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Randomize
