The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
