just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
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