The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
two words...techno handjob
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
