I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
My vagina is officially offended.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
