weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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