My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
