there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
