oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
If I die, sorry about rent.
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