that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
