I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
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