i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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