i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
