we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
