My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
