I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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