Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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