I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
