First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
