I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
