I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize
