I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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