i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
