i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
