All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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