Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
