so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
