you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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