i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
