..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
