i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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