So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
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