Sponge bath it is.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
