I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
