dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
