quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
