Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
