Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
