SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
