Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize