Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
