sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
