I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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