yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
