No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
