You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
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