Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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