I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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