My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
