Porn is love you can see.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
