there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
