Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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